CHAPTER Two - WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING??

CHAPTER Two - WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING??

   So now that your little hockey player is hooked it’s time to get down to business. Time to find somewhere for Stamkos Jr. to learn the craft. Now if you are lucky you can find a program that provides equipment so you don’t have to shell out those big bucks before you know for certain that Stamkos Jr. is going to stick with this newest endeavor. But for God’s sake resist the urge to run out and buy the most expensive pair of ice skates you can find! Just don’t do it! Because just like buying a car, the minute those skates walk out the door of that pro shop they will never be worth that price again. Depreciation is swift. And for those of you who just chuckled at that last sentence and said to yourself; “Ha, she doesn’t know zip. I can return them, no big deal.” Nope. Once those bad boys come out of the box you are doomed. Why? Because your child will claim them and that will be that - and chances are that the skates you get will not be the skates they need. Which brings me to an important set of lessons...

Lesson #1 for new hockey parents: Buy them what they need WHEN they need it, and not a moment before. 

This is an important lesson because you will be so tempted to go out and buy the newest and flashiest gear for your budding Kucherov. But chances are high that the newest and flashiest will not fit his needs or skills. Flashy gear doesn’t improve performance, and sometimes it can even hinder it. So wait until you know your budding Kucherov is going to stick with it before you go on that spending spree. Your wallet will love you for it. 😊

Lesson #2 for new hockey parents: Crowdsourcing is your new best friend.

Let me say that again. Crowd sourcing is your new best friend. Really. One of the most common mistakes new hockey parents make is going out and buying a bunch of gear that their kid will never use or need (or worse yet - can’t be returned!)

 **This is a fate worse than death in my opinion,  because if you are anything like me you’ll justify this mistake by saying; “Oh, it’s ok, I’ll just sell them online and get my money back - only to find them a year later stuffed in the back corner of the garage with indescribable chew marks on them which will leave you wondering what the hell kind of wildlife is living in your garage???**

Talk to people, talk to the staff at the rink, find local/state online groups and join them. The hockey community can be a very generous group. Often times you can pick up outgrown gear cheap - hockey parents are pretty good at accepting new families into the fold, because the more the sport grows the better it is for all of us. The key here is don’t be afraid to ask questions. The flip side to this lesson is don’t EXPECT everyone else to outfit your budding young hockey star. So be gracious, say plenty of “thank you”s, and when the time comes return the favor and help those newbie parents that will follow in your footsteps. 

Lesson #3 for new hockey parents: Resist the urge to keep up with the Joneses... or the Rockefellers. 

Don’t do it! I know it’s really hard. Don’t do it! Yes, the Joneses are a nice family. Yes, they do a LOT of stuff. They make it look so easy. (Kinda makes you wonder if they have a money tree hiding in the backyard?) But if you want to keep your own sanity, and a bank account that is at least a few shades of grey - don’t try to keep up with everyone else. Even more important- don't compare kids. They may look equivalent on the surface, but looks are very deceiving.

I once ran a marathon at Walt Disney World. I know, right! Walt Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. Except when you are running/walking/crawling 26.1 miles surrounded by more than 12,000 people who are just as crazy, if not more so judging by some of these outfits they are sporting, as me. Actually I ran over a marathon, because running with over 12,000 other crazy people requires a certain amount of dodging and weaving. So at the end of this epic adventure I had actually run over 28 miles! What the hell?? But hey - I did it! I ran my first marathon! I was proud. I was ecstatic. I was so freakin sore!! Amazeballs! I wore that damn medal around the theme parks later that day, chest puffed out, and people walking by were giving me pats on the back. “Great job”, they would say. “Why thank you!”; I would reply. My kids thought I was awesome, my husband thought I was a crazy goddess as I was resplendent in my ‘I Finished’ T-shirt and my race medal.

Then I got home. 

A friend came over to visit a few days later and of course I HAD to show off this beautiful piece of hardware. After all, I had invested hours upon hours of blood, sweat, blisters, tears, cuss words, and a trip to the ER prepping for this race. I had mastered the mental monster and slogged my way through 6 hours of Dauntes Inferno to slay the beast. I had accomplished what less than 10% of the population has done, I FINISHED A FREAKIN MARATHON!! 

My so called friend looked me straight in the eye and asked; “Well did you win?”

My jaw hit the floor. “Well no, you see marathons don’t work like that”... 

“Well then what’s the point?”

What the hell did I ever see in this heartless witch of a so called friend??? “The point is I got off my ass and I ran 26.2 miles! I did something I thought impossible a year before! And I. Didn’t. Die.”

“You could have just called an Uber.” 

(Facepalm)

“So you only got one medal?” Sniff.

“Yes Genius, I ran one race, got one medal. That how it works. Why?” I ask.

“Well I just saw Karen’s Instagram and she has 5 medals. All that work and you only got one.” (Insert Eye-roll here)

“Wait, what? Oh, she did the challenge- she had to run 4 races that weekend. I did the marathon only.”; I replied. My annoyance level was at a solid Def Con 2 at this point. 

“Jeez, if you were already going then why didn’t you do the challenge as well... it’s not like you weren’t already there!” 

WTF? Seriously? I’m not freakin Karen, that’s why! Karen wants to be on a whole different level of crazy, that on her. You go, Boo. You do you! Me, I’ve got enough crazy going on on right where I’m at and I’m not ready to level up yet. Maybe in another two years I may be Karen level crazy, but if I do get there it will be at my speed, on my time. 

The moral to this little rant? Be happy for Karen being Karen, and Joe for being Joe, and don’t pit Joe “I just started a couch to 5k program” against Karen “I run 48.2 miles in one weekend so I can get 5 medals”. Joe doesn’t want to run/walk/crawl 48.2 effin miles. Joe just wants to do 3.1miles. Joe doesn't care that Karen won’t shut up about those damn miles. What you don’t know is that Joe “I can dunk in my sleep” can probably mop the floor with Karen “What’s a dribble” on a b-ball court. Talent is in the eye of the beholder. If Joe gets really motivated and decides he wants to achieve those 48.2 miles at some point in the future, awesome sauce! If Joe is happy doing just that one 5k, boo-ya! 

Same applies on the ice - some kids will move from learn to skate to house/rec to travel in no time at all. Some will stay in house/rec. Some may never move from rookie league. All of that is ok! Let them ENJOY the game! Don’t push to keep up with Karen’s kid. Don’t drown them in lessons and extra practices and more lessons, and camps and clinics, and yet more lessons... because now you’re taking something that gives your child joy and you’re making it a job. A miserable, grinding, boring job. Fight it. Fight it like you’re protecting that last flat screen tv on Black Friday. It’s hard and it requires constant vigilance! But one of my favorite sayings I tell folks all the time is this; 

 “I’ve never gone to an Elite Prospects page for any NHL player and discovered that it started with Peewees.”      Me

Let’s just say the Joneses and I are no longer on speaking terms... #StupidKaren